A Person's Biggest Treasure
A Thing or Two I Wish I Had Known Earlier [15]:
The year is 2019, the month is April. I’m hovering my mouse over the “Submit” button on a Google Form. This is not any Google Form; it is the Google Form that would dictate my major for the entirety of my bachelor’s degree.
I had been upset earlier that year, sinking the lowest I have been in twenty years of existence. I felt out of place and wanted to transfer to a different college, quitting business school altogether. I sunk into depression, an alien condition until I came to America. I didn’t want to pick a single thing on the list. I didn’t even want to be here, I only wanted to write.
In and out my shallow breaths: frustration, uncertainty, helplessness. I clicked Submit and snapped my laptop shut. Everyone had to do this at some point. I can always change later I told myself, this is just temporary.
Three years later.
“I’m just going to be in this job for a few years then I’m going to quit” - I told everyone in passing.
“I’m not going to do a 9-5 for a long time, I’m going to retire corporate in five years.” - my disbelieving parents heard me pronounce.
The thing with saying things like these is you never know when or if it is ever going to realize. Realistically and knowing myself, I will adamantly do any and every thing in my abilities to make it come true once I lay down my choices and make a decision. But again, I’m the queen of going ahead of myself.
I thought I was going to make the grand decision my senior year of high school between a big state university and a liberal arts college, then sophomore year of college when deciding my major, and finally my last year of university with the first full time job. I missed them all. One after another, I told myself I’m going to stay in this stable path until I figure something out, until something better comes up, until a lightbulb lights in my head. I drowned myself in self-consolation when my job sucked but my co-workers were great. I delude myself again when my coworkers and job suck but the money I’m saving can come in handy.
On a recent podcast episode, I was reminded of something I have always been aware of: a prompt to take risks when you are young. You are supposed to have decades ahead to make things right.
As an Asian and the oldest child in my family, I feel indebted to my parents and family for providing me with the resources to study in America. The moment I wanted to do something selfishly, a fear of not measuring up to expectations took over.
What if I couldn’t feed myself with what I want to do? What if I could never pay back my tuition? What if I could never find a job and my parents have to get me a half-hearted office role in Viet Nam? Merely writing about this hollows me inside out.
But then again, we are supposed to take risks when we are young. If all goes well, we have time on our side as our most valuable asset. Suppose I live until 70, I have 50 years ahead to mess things up. All money can be re-earned, all jobs experiences can be re-gained from scratch.
That is to say, everyone’s biggest treasure is… time. If you are not in the position to do something wild because of a family to feed, a big loan to pay, don’t listen to what I’m about to say. But if you are single, healthy, have little to no obligations and are debating and have the privilege to do so, jump ship, dive into the unknown, take the damn risks.