better things ahead
big life changes and a mental health update [65]:
Hi friends, it’s good to see you again. It feels weird to not send out an essay every week like I used to last year but I have prioritized living life over everything else.
I recently left a job that has been debilitating my mental health for months and surprisingly found solace outside of my identity as a corporate worker. After five years of kicking myself into believing that corporate career success is one of the more noble things in life, I renounced that world as I gave up a traditional life script.
Three weeks after leaving my toxic job, my mom said I looked happier. It means a lot because she is that Asian mom who spares little empathy towards her older child (me). One would think it should be natural to be happy when you are not under a tight schedule but that is the last thing I thought would happen. I expected myself to be enjoying the first week off, at most two weeks. I have been known to be angsty and impatient when I am not “productive”. I couldn’t take a break to save my life. When I left jobs in the past, I felt guilty, anxious, and inferior to my working peers. I don’t feel that anymore.
If you have ever struggled with mental health disorders or have experienced a period where you were constantly stressed/oppressed/couldn’t be yourself, you would understand where I am coming from. Many feelings, interests, and excitement were forfeited. There was fog cast over everything. Traveling, socializing, family, friends, dating, etc. don’t interest me half as much as they used to when I was “normal”. I knew it was not standard to experience these negative emotions for an extended period of time but I didn’t know what else to do.
A good career has for years carried a certain type of lust for me. Whether it is a dream sold to me in business school or because of peer pressure I do not know but attaining a “successful” career has been my tunnel vision goal for the past five years. A good career is noble, shiny, and measurable. A good career, unlike the softer side of life like love, or friendships, is more predictable and controllable. Despite my penchant for a good connection, my desire to control the most minute details convinced me that a solid career is of utmost importance. I love my family and I would put them above my job any day but in the grand scheme of things, I haven’t sought to prioritize being close to them vs. school/work.
I read
’s book The Pathless Path in 2022 and it was one of the early seeds that prompted me to redefine my relationship with work. Granted, it was a bidirectional cause-effect that led me to the book in the first place but I resonated with a lot of the sentiments in it. I became an avid consumer of his newsletters and podcast, acquainting myself to people’s journeys after leaving traditional career paths for a break or something that aligns more with their personal values. In part, Paul’s work and story have prepared me for this moment. When I left corporate, I came to terms with the fact that not working does not render me lazy or incompetent. I am plainly not working.Once I began to ditch the rat race mindset and was more receptive to a slower life, lots of things changed. It felt like I was given the key back into a locked house that is my mind. The week I left my job, I went to an event in downtown Austin and found an area I didn’t know existed. I went to an Escape room for the first time three weeks ago and met more new friends than I could remember for a long time. The idea of meeting people sounds fun again and I came to appreciate others’ company, which was hardly the case when I was holding my prior job.
I think a lot of us Millennials/Gen-Z promptly become disillusioned with work as we enter the workforce and for good reasons. I however still believe in the merit of a meaningful career but not in the way that I used to. I am a firm believer in leading a career that you find at least partially fulfilling. A career doesn’t have to be one’s life’s purpose but it should be mostly enjoyable or tolerable as we spend so much time of our life doing it.
I hope you are taking care of yourself. Leave me a comment: How have you been doing? What are you up to? What do you want to see more from me?
With love,
MD
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Congrats Minh!! I was so happy reading this. I feel like I can sense a calmness in your writing, like the joy you’ve been feeling comes through. You did such a great job capturing both the identity struggles of a “good career” and how it feels to let go of it. I wish you the best on your journey and look forward to more of your reflections on it!
This essay reminded me of a guy I worked with who told me he resigned. Then he said, “And when I told my wife she cheered.” Apparently the toxic parts of the work environment had really affected him negatively. She preferred that he quit even though he didn’t have a new job yet.