I used to think in a grand scheme of things. I dream for years to come in the future. I buy books on curiosity discovery and journalists’ stories traversing Europe. I doodled and wrote with no specific aim. I read endless fiction books that transported my soul to a French elementary school, followed Totto Chan to a new school, became a best friend with a young locksmith in the streets of Sai Gon.
What would I do with my life? I never thought too much about in middle school. I liked English and writing, and that’s about it. What were my peers competing in yet again? I was indifferent. I was wrapped up in my own world of idyllic life, writing and reading profusely, abound by greenery and peace.
As I advance in my professional career, I regress in my intuitive thinking and reasoning. Everything needs to be structured, clear-cut, planned. I have a meeting scheduled on Thursday, a networking session on Friday, three tasks to be done by 4pm tomorrow. There is little space for intuition to thrive.
What is my dream now?
What do I really want to do?
I forget to ask myself.
In one of my prior internships, I received a feedback from a cherished manager that I needed to be more intuitive. Afterwards, I researched hard on how to develop more intuition. If you are curious, here are a few ways to train your thinking to be more intuitive:
Escape from your daily routine (get away and slow down, break out of a usual pattern)
Spend time in nature
Align with your values (your action and thoughts might derail from your values but your intuition should not)
Meditate
Get creative (dance, sing, draw freely without a concrete vision)
On my birthday, I want to come back to the discussion of intuition because it seems like I have always mastered it. I dream more than I analyze. I imagine more than fact check. Somewhere along the way of growing old, I dropped that ability. When I think intuitively, I can physically feel my body relax, the sky heightens.
Birthdays are special because it’s an amalgamation of multiple forces: happiness, expectation, celebration, wonder, reflection. The past three years, I have experienced a mix of emotions on my day of birth - extreme happiness followed by anticipation and then a sense of longing as the day comes to a close. I was so excited for the day that I am scared to let it go, fearing it will break like glass.
I listened to a speech this morning that mentions how when you are feeling most watered down, stale and burnt out, you are on the cusp of a break through, mentally, emotionally, whatever that might be. I am not sure what my break through will look like but I am yearning for it. The past month has been a dream come true: spending the most time ever surrounded by the waters, green hills and snow-capped mountains. Every weekend was spent with good friends, old and new and despite my neuroticism, I couldn’t help containing anticipation of what will bloom in the next years, in terms of work and personal development.
And even though 23 just feels like a less cool version of the 22nd birthday, like Miss Swift has aptly sung:
we're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time
it's miserable and magical
I have the highest hope for finding the best people and endeavors that nourish my soul in this next laps around the sun.
With intuition,
MD
Happy birthday and congratulations on reconnecting with your intuitive self. I find "spending time in nature" to be the most healing.
Great post Ming! Life is challenging but full of many possibilities. Good luck with your search!