Intuition of Breakthrough

dreaming on the birthday [23]:

learning to dream again as an adult

I used to think in a grand scheme of things. I dream for years to come in the future. I buy books on curiosity discovery and journalists’ stories traversing Europe. I doodled and wrote with no specific aim. I read endless fiction books that transported my soul to a French elementary school, followed Totto Chan to a new school, became a best friend with a young locksmith in the streets of Sai Gon.

What would I do with my life? I never thought too much about in middle school. I liked English and writing, and that’s about it. What were my peers competing in yet again? I was indifferent. I was wrapped up in my own world of idyllic life, writing and reading profusely, abound by greenery and peace.

As I advance in my professional career, I regress in my intuitive thinking and reasoning. Everything needs to be structured, clear-cut, planned. I have a meeting scheduled on Thursday, a networking session on Friday, three tasks to be done by 4pm tomorrow. There is little space for intuition to thrive.

What is my dream now?

What do I really want to do?

I forget to ask myself.

In one of my prior internships, I received a feedback from a cherished manager that I needed to be more intuitive. Afterwards, I researched hard on how to develop more intuition. If you are curious, here are a few ways to train your thinking to be more intuitive:

• Escape from your daily routine (get away and slow down, break out of a usual pattern)

• Spend time in nature

• Align with your values (your action and thoughts might derail from your values but your intuition should not)

• Meditate

• Get creative (dance, sing, draw freely without a concrete vision)

On my birthday, I want to come back to the discussion of intuition because it seems like I have always mastered it. I dream more than I analyze. I imagine more than fact check. Somewhere along the way of growing old, I dropped that ability. When I think intuitively, I can physically feel my body relax, the sky heightens.

Birthdays are special because it’s an amalgamation of multiple forces: happiness, expectation, celebration, wonder, reflection. The past three years, I have experienced a mix of emotions on my day of birth - extreme happiness followed by anticipation and then a sense of longing as the day comes to a close. I was so excited for the day that I am scared to let it go, fearing it will break like glass.

I listened to a speech this morning that mentions how when you are feeling most watered down, stale and burnt out, you are on the cusp of a break through, mentally, emotionally, whatever that might be. I am not sure what my break through will look like but I am yearning for it. The past month has been a dream come true: spending the most time ever surrounded by the waters, green hills and snow-capped mountains. Every weekend was spent with good friends, old and new and despite my neuroticism, I couldn’t help containing anticipation of what will bloom in the next years, in terms of work and personal development.

And even though 23 just feels like a less cool version of the 22nd birthday, like Miss Swift has aptly sung:

we're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time
it's miserable and magical

I have the highest hope for finding the best people and endeavors that nourish my soul in this next laps around the sun.

With intuition,

MD