On Contagious Goodness
Friends Make Me a Better Person [28]:
“You can’t be what you can’t see - Marian Wright Edelman
Hey there, do you ever wonder how you become the person you are today? Your identity is shaped by a multitude of forces, may be by virtue of your upbringing… your education… your parents’ habits and personalities. May be your parents are entrepreneurial and you grow up with those traits embedded in the mind. Or they might be serious about academics and naturally instill in you the love for higher education.
For me, I have a set of unique tendencies consistently manifesting for 23 years. From my hyper-activeness, love for the written words to an uncanny need to devour sweet-tasting delicacies. Many of these tendencies continue to grow stronger as I age. On the other hand, I do surprise myself from time to time with neuroplasticity and general flexibility to adjust old beliefs and behaviors. I would like to think I become a more mature and self-assured person, but who knows, I might have grown some bad habits too, I will let the people around me decide.
Anyway, the topic of contagious goodness was brought about by a call with my high school best friend, let’s call her G. Among the many things that we chatted away that night, we talked about how we are so starkly in contrast yet compatible. I am the restless, jumpy one; she is a slow and steady soldier.
Currently, G is in a job that she doesn’t like, which she has been doing for over a year. Despite this, she is not thinking about quitting or finding another job anytime soon. She knows her job it’s not great but she doesn’t want to make the change. G thrives on stability, certainty. G is detailed oriented, thorough and meticulous.
I on the other hand is completely opposite. I am unstable, fickle, hard to grasp. I got lost in the things I want to try out because I am what the tik toks say a “multi-passionate”. I like writing, I like books, I like cooking, sometimes arts and history. I like reading about technologies and how they are shifting our world and culture. I have more than once entertained the thought of managing an organic farm in Viet Nam, majored in sociology and even pursued industrial engineering. I like to think about the future and its possibilities rather than the present.
I don’t know how we managed to reconcile those differences for we had been friends for more than seven years. I learned how to be patient from G, mainly through her time tutoring me on math problems. I also watched how she spent years dedicating to a research job, a leadership position at a university club and an internship that she was too stressed to handle (she rocked it nevertheless). As one who learns from watching people, this means a lot.
After our call ended at 11pm, I flipped open my laptop and started fervently writing this piece. Perhaps, it is a long work week or that our call was well overdue, I was really touched. Aside from my immediate family, it is my friends who teach me to how to live. Throw aside all the self-help books, academic courses or Youtube videos, I learn the most from being alongside my friends.
Let me give you an example. Last Friday night in my new apartment, me and my new roommate, both of whom are homebodies stayed in. At 9pm, I decided to make Korean Fried Chicken. Before I proceeded the story, keep in mind this is a person I met via Facebook and had known for less than a week at this point.
Supposedly this is a weird time to have dinner or make fried chicken. I was, in theory, in no way obligated to share this dish I cooked with my new roommate. My usual instinct and auto-pilot mode would to just not share it, not because I am selfish but because it took an extra step of asking, waiting for them to make a decision and awkwardly proceeded to offer the food, or politely continued eating because they said no. As an introvert, this whole process bears a lot of mental pressure. Also, as cross-cultural roommates, there is something incredibly vulnerable about offering your food to a stranger. I nevertheless did eventually offered the food to her, erasing all the overthinking prior. She expressed her liking for it, I’m relieved, we are both pleased.
My point of telling this lengthy story is to share that I got the comfort to do so because of something I learn from my college roommate - Gyeoungeun (GY). The Minh of 2017 would never do something like so even if I desperately wanted to internally. When we lived together in Minneapolis, GY was open to sharing any and everything. She never hesitated to share her day, ask about mine, or give help to people. This might sound overly simplistic but naive but I learned to be more open and vulnerable from GY. Without her, I wouldn’t know what true vulnerability and generosity could look like.
I am also grateful of two other best friends, Trang and Shayne Nguyen, who reach out to me even when I constantly pull back. Trang and Shayne kept me afloat when our family beloved dog, Cam passed away last November, an event I never quite had the courage to talk about. They witnessed my countless trials and tribulations, most often dramatic reactions and worries. Not unlike osmosis, the more I am their friends, the more goodness I can derive from them. Like GY, Trang has an inexhaustible amount of kindness and concern for almost every human being. She care for her friends like a mother would. Shayne, on the flip side, has puzzling productive and social battery. He claims to be an introvert but if you met him, you would only know Shayne as extra energetic and cheerful.
How fortunate I am to be introduced to new ways of thinking and behaving from my ridiculously kind, smart and interesting friends. If you were in my life before this year and last, you wouldn’t see me ever gushing about how great the people around me are, but the pandemic has changed a lot and now I am not shy to shout it from the rooftop.
So this one is for you, all my friends. You are all MVPs. Thank you for sticking around.
I also learn a lot of things from you!! Best roommate ever in my life🥹