A few years ago, I read a
essay on being a birthday monster aka somebody who needs/wants a lot of attention on their birthday and get very emotional on this special date.I never considered myself one because I don’t care for attention that much. The last three years experiencing birthday away from family made me realize that maybe I am a dormant birthday monster. I require a good amount of attention and tender loving care from loved ones on my day of birth.
This year, P and I spent a weekend in Dripping Springs trying to cool down by the pool. We had fries at the pool just like how I enjoyed them as a kid after swimming lessons. It is one of the best throwback memories.
In honor of the best month of the year and the year where according to science, my prefrontal cortex will be fully developed, here are seven reflections for my 25th trip around the sun.
1. Quality time is gold
The longer I live away from family and friends from home, the more I realize I need to cherish quality time whenever I have them. I have lived more privately this past year but have intensified intimate connections through talking and seeing friends in person vs. watching their Instagram stories.
I want to make an intentional effort to visit people when possible. There is nothing like seeing your friends and family in person. People make life meaningful and I want to emphasize this more.
2. Know and grow yourself
Oh the gift of truly knowing yourself. This is a tough exercise. Some figure it out earlier, some later in life. Some thought they found something they loved and then grew out of it. Some didn’t find it until much later but it became their treasure for the rest of their life.
Everything is personal to you. You can take longer/shorter than your peers/what the media says you have to figure out your personal life/career/dating/etc and it is okay either way.
Try a lot of things when you can, be grateful, and work on what you already have. Commitment is important (refer to the last point in the list) because commitment turns everything into magic, whether it is a relationship, profession or a decision.
Once you know yourself, you can surround you with people who promote those values and help you grow. Once you know yourself, you can have healthy boundaries. Once you know yourself, you are more confident in your existence and more resistant to criticism and unsolicited comments.
3. Trust the process
I went back to therapy this year and realized one of my constant grievances is how I am constantly anxious about the future - potential mishaps: finances, career, relationships, family, etc. I am a control freak and I want to keep my ducks in a row before things happen.
I asked my therapist to give me a tangible tactic to keep them in check and she suggested I keep living, experiencing life, and dealing with my hypothetical problems as they come (if they ever do). As I move through life, my opinions, living situation, jobs, and interests might change and there is little merit in predicting what is going to happen in three years at this point.
Why worry about how you are going to manage your fortune if you’re not a millionaire just yet? (this is unfortunately not one of my worries lol)
4. Who cares about what *that friend* is doing?
It has been over a year since I last logged into my personal Instagram and it has done wonders for my mental health. I have fewer materials and thus fewer impulses to compare myself with peers and random strangers on the Internet. I talk to people over the phone, in person, or send them individual messages. I have little interest in seeing highlight reels of people living their best moments and not showing the other 90% of their lives.
It is quite common for people to only share when they are on vacation, having a good time, and socializing. Few of us share when things are going wrong, and even if we do, who knows if it is entirely the picture.
I listened to the Seeing Other People podcast recently, an episode with Jennifer Teplin, a licensed therapist. She said something I thought was profound: If you see highlight reels of people on social media and get envious, think about whether you are willing to trade your entire life with this person - their problems, health issues, relatives, etc. If you don’t, you have to rethink how you are putting your entire life next to someone’s curated moments. It is a good way to put things into perspective when you feel overwhelmed by social media.
This summer, if you are wondering why is everyone on vacation (and all the time too?!) check out the Financial Diet video about how the influencer culture is creating a false perception of what is “normal”. I also enjoyed this piece on traveling consciously by
.6. Life is about the simple moments
I expanded on this in this essay but a part of growing older for me is realizing how much of life is mundane. That doesn’t mean it is a bad thing. If you have a normal job, you show up to work every day. By noon, you will probably have lunch. Then you try to get out of the afternoon slump to finish your work day. You exercise, go to the gym, or do whatever in the evening before dinner and bedtime. You spend the weekend seeing friends/family, watching a new movie and/or eating out. The days more or less repeat themselves (note: if you have dependents or a grueling job, it is a different reality - this is what I know for me and the young professionals around me currently). If you are lucky, you get to vacation sometimes then back to “normal” life.
A part of me frequently tries to find new and exciting endeavors to switch things up but at the end of the day, it is not realistic to keep chasing newness. I know that tendency is something that I will keep with me but at the end of the day, I also need to learn to sit with the “boring” and repetitive moments. When you are a kid, boredom is probably one of the worst feelings but as an adult, there will be times when you yearn for boredom and predictability.
There are many a small moment to cherish: sunsets, long walks, hugs and cuddles, good coffee, post-run high, quality conversations, home-cooked meals, belly laughs, seeing a very cute dog… In the end, all we remember are the quality moments spent with loved ones and they can be oddly simplistic.
7. Commitment is everything
Nothing worth having comes easy. Commitment makes things rewarding by choosing said thing or person over and over again.
Commitment takes work but that is all I know to make life enjoyable, fulfilling, and memorable. I recently read this essay again by
on the distinction between pleasure and enjoyment.Pleasure is passive and consumed, whereas enjoyment is active and created. Enjoyment demands you to participate and invest in the process of something in order for joy to be reaped: the word enjoy comes from enjoir, Old French for “to give joy to”. In other words, to enjoy something means to give joy to—an activity is only enjoyable if you can make it so.
Pleasure and enjoyment both feel good, but pleasure is something that feels good regardless of whether or not you actively pay attention to it.
I have been recently reminded of this after feeling uninspired for some time. For me to feel fulfilled, I need to work on something challenging. The process of exerting myself, physically or mentally, and seeing the results is exciting and beautiful.
If you want your life to feel fulfilling, commit to something and show up for it again and again. It is easy to choose a leisurely way of life or be complacent with your mind and hands. But it is way more meaningful to work on something intentionally.
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Leave me a comment, let me know your thoughts, I read all of them!
Initial commitment to a hobby often means you are outwardly admitting that you’re not great at it yet AND you’re actively trying to get better at it. I’ve found both of these things are super daunting! But like you said, it’s necessary to live a life where we’re striving for growth and fulfillment, so I’m glad it make your list
You are so wise 🥰 Happy Birthday!