low vs. high energy
how do we get anything done? [87]:
There are two camps of people from my experience: people with low energy/agency and those with high energy/agency. The ones with high energy are always embarking on challenges: working on a project/degree/promotion/achievement, socializing, participating in events, and being involved in groups. They are open to newness and opportunities. Those with low energy prefer to be more mellow, choose to do less, embark on less new and difficult endeavors, and stay mostly alone or in smaller groups. 1
At first glance, it sounds similar to the categorization of introverts and extroverts. However, this category transcends the introversion conversation because introverts can also be relentless with their pursuits and be highly involved in their field of passion. I am not referring to the energy of bouncing up and down and constant talking. I am talking about having the energy to pursue their goals despite a difficult schedule, or being willing to participate in opportunities that can tire you out.
There are things about high-energy people that make them more resilient to failures and more open to new ventures. In psychology class, I learned about the Big Five Personality traits (Agreeableness, Extraversion, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism, and Openness to experience). From my observation over the years, high-energy people have high tendencies for Openness to experience and Extraversion, and low on Neuroticism.
As a self-identified “low-energy” person, I decided to read into my Big 5 personality test. Neuroticism is among my high scorers and it can be broken down into six smaller components (with one of them being Depression.
This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficulty initiating activities.
Analyzing my results is helpful to notice that I tend to swing into the sad and discouraged side of things. My motivations deflate easily and I get frustrated often at the mundanity of my life. Practicing a skill consistently is one of the most challenging feats personally. I wrote about this in freedom to start where I found myself frequently stopping and starting various endeavors.
On a tipsy Friday night, I proudly shared with my boyfriend my discovery of how habits make our lives easier rather than more rigid. When we have habits, we remove a layer of conscious decision-making that frees up brain space and time for other endeavors.
I managed to write once a week for one year because of my commitment to publish weekly and not letting myself go during that year. If I let myself have my way, I tend to self-torture over whether I “should” write or not. If I don’t give myself an option, I accept the routine and make it work.
Many years ago, I read a book on “perfect timing” called When by Daniel H. Pink and it touches on optimizing life by making your circadian rhythm work for you, aka to work when your energy is at its optimal. In the book, Pink mentioned that the circadian rhythm is inherent to each person and resistant to change. Personality is not much different. I believe that even though we have the capacity to change, our core personality stays quite constant. For me, who is high on neuroticism, it is unlikely that I will completely reverse. Nevertheless, I can devise ways to work with what I have. Perhaps I can work with what I have vs. resisting my natural tendencies.
In neuroticism, I got high anxiety, depression, self-consciousness, and vulnerability. This means I can easily feel scared, sad, self-conscious, or sensitive to my emotions under pressure. Sounds like a disastrous combination no?
When I was small, I struggled significantly more with neuroticism. I swung from one downside to another and when I got sad, I leaned into being sad or anxious heavily. I am paralyzed when I am afraid and uncertain. I run and hide from social occasions because of anxiety, as described here:
Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a kid, I constantly felt misunderstood and disconnected from people. I had a lot of fear of expressing myself and connecting with people without feeling nervous. I got pulled between wanting to be known and scared of being judged.
I am thankful for how life happened because when I moved to Ho Chi Minh City during COVID, due to a lot of unplanned circumstances and last minute yes, my life cracked open. With a combination of work, social life, living in a city with so much potential and energy, I opened myself up for the first time, and the experience liberated my soul.
Interestingly, my good traits have always been there along with the bad in the background. The problem is I wasn’t able to lead with the good traits: a high level of activity, high imagination and artistic interests, self-discipline, self-efficacy. What I have noticed in recent years is once I lean into my strong suits, life challenges don’t get easier but I am better equipped to deal with them. The metaphor is a better toolbox to solve the same problem.
The voices of anxiety and depression-prone feelings are lurking still. Some days they rose to be the main voices but most days I try to keep them under control.
When I say to lean into the good traits and deflect the bad tendencies, I mean to keep the good traits abundant and dominant and the bad traits as insignificant as possible. I have a lot of fear, some rational, some not. Some days I feel the urge to be fearful and cling to my anxiety like watching a boiling kettle. I think watching the kettle will help me know when to take it off the stove, aka prepare for the bad thing that I am fearful about.
The wise thing to do is to push that thought aside, preferably before it grows too powerful. Then I distract myself by meeting with people, finding something else to do, going to the gym/running, and choosing to not let the thoughts take over.
With a high depression score, I at times find the activities I usually like difficult. I assign boring or bad quality to those activities and become quite unmotivated. This is one way I salvage these situations:
When I am unmotivated to go on my long weekend run, I put on my favorite runner YouTubers, watch them get ready, and warm up for their runs. I somehow felt less lonely about training and became more okay with putting myself through a physical challenge. I feel a rush of excitement when I watch these girls with prety workout clothes and upbeat background music completing their miles. That usually did something to my psyche. That got me leaving the house.
Leaning into the good traits, I found that if I keep myself busy throughout the day with small tasks (I have a high activity drive), not just with work, but through making food, planning for dinner, workout plans, running errands, I am generally in a good mood. Once I notice that I can’t exist peacefully without writing, I start writing and sharing my work online with friends and strangers alike. The more I write, the more grounded and sane I feel. Writing grounds me into myself so I feel less nervous and anxious.
Essentially, all is not lost when you find yourself in similar situations like me, who find it hard to get things done and feel motivated. You can make your tendencies work for you.
For each person, this might look different. Take openness to experience for example, if you are high in intellect, lean into that strength, and let it feed your energy by doing intellect-rich activities, whether that means solving math problems/puzzles, working in engineering, discussing unusual ideas for a potential business or product. If you are high in artistic interests, spend time on artistic endeavors that you enjoy: going to art museums, drawing, singing, dancing, etc.
One of the key things that made life more bearable as I grew older was having the ability to distance myself from sources that trigger my bad tendencies and prioritize my good traits and nurture them through time.
I don’t have an answer for stamping out your worst traits: anger, low self-discipline, deceit, etc. For anyone, it is hard to go against the grain of your natural ways and completely turn your demons into strengths. Pay attention, note things down: when do you feel best/worst, who brings you the better in you, what activities allow for that to happen, notice when you feel shitty or want to do “bad” things what elements are necessary to bring you out of that mood, how can make those elements more abundant. It is you who have the responsibility to craft an ideal environment for yourself. We, in some sense, are contained in a world with what we are born with: the biological family you are born into, your appearance/natural strengths, your nationality. Work with what you have and work around them.
If you are interested in understanding more of your personality through the Big Five Personality test, here is a link to a free one. It tests five core traits: Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Openness to experience, and Neuroticism. Each trait also has a breakdown of about 5-6 sub-traits along with explanations.
This system of categorization is entirely developed by my observation and personal conclusions. Excuse my gross generalization in this essay analysis.
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Leave me a comment, feedback, thought on today’s essay. I am a huge fan of personality analysis: MBTI, enneagram, Big 5, etc. and would love to hear your thoughts on any of it.
Interesting. I think I am extroverted and open but also neurotic. I haven’t heard about this test before I’ll check it out! 😊
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